See you in the near future

Dear My Future One,

I have no idea who you are, where you're from (what you did as long as you love me 🎶) just kidding  haha but seriously I don’t know your name. I don’t know what you look like or where you are or when we will ever meet. I don’t know whether or not you are already in my life somewhere. I don’t even know if you exist in this lifetime. I’d like to believe you’re walking this earth someplace.

If you are in this lifetime and on this planet though, I hope I don’t meet you anytime soon. I have a lot to learn and I will probably hurt you, because I don’t know yet that you are the one who will make me happy.

I’ve been through a lot. But while I wish you could have been there with me, I know you will be proud of me because of how strong I turned out to be and all the things I made it through without you. See, I had to be alone for a while so I’d know what I’m capable of. And so I’d appreciate having someone like you more.

I like being single right now because all my time is mine. I need to be single for a while so I will not regret not having this kind of freedom in the future. When I’m yours, Please know that I’ll be completely yours.

But sometimes I miss being in love. There are days when I wish you can get here faster just so I can have the kind of love that I’ve been waiting for since what feels like forever. But I guess it’s better that you’re not here yet because I don’t know how to be with you right now. I’ll probably say a lot of really stupid things and scare you away maybe because I'm not ready yet.

I want to be ready when i meet you. I want to be the best me when that happens because You won’t just be the love of my life, you will also be my best friend in the world. I’d always thought of my old love as my best friend at the time, but I don’t think I ever really knew what that meant. I love that I will be able to tell you anything and everything and know that you will be the one person in the world who understands.

We won’t always get along. Im sensitive and hard headed at times. I even have a pride bigger than I am. No doubt, we will have fights and arguments but I know that in the end, we can make it through because nothing is more important than learning and growing together.

We are probably different people with diverse interests, and that’s a good thing. We will make time for what is important to the other because we like making each other happy. Of course, there will be things that we enjoy doing together. We will spend some days curled up with a blanket and books or eating popcorn, ice cream and watching a good movie. We will also watch our favorite series HIMYM that will take up some of our lazy Sundays. But we will spend most of our time going around the world together, seeing places we’ve only once dreamed of traveling to and we will have a Happy Family. My family will like you and the same thing with your family. I'm sure they will love me too. 

You’ve probably loved a girl (or more) before me, and that’s okay. I’m sorry though if you’ve gotten hurt and I wasn’t there to make you feel better. I’ve been in love before you, too, and I’ve also gotten my heart broken and feel like nobody could really understand. It will take a long time before I can let anyone else in again, and maybe you feel the same way. It will be better to find each other after going through all that, just so we will both know how to not take being in love for granted.

We’ve both become better people separately, something I will always be thankful for. And because of all the pain we have to go through before we meet, we will both realize then that we deserve that happiness and we deserve each other.

I don’t know what you look like but I know you have beautiful eyes, a genuine smile and a kind heart. I don’t know what you do for a living but I know that you will have time for me. I don’t know you, but I know that you can give me hug when I’m down, hold my hand for no reason and kiss me just because you love me.

There’s a possibility though, that you don’t exist but I have to believe that you’re out there somewhere. I have to believe that all the heartache I’d ever had to endure will someday lead me to you. I have to believe that God created you because He knew I would need you. And while I know I’m a complete person on my own, I have to believe that someone like you exists, someone who might not complete me, but can make life better. More beautiful. More colorful. A man who can make me believe in love again.

I don’t know who you are or if I’ll ever find you, but I wish with all my heart that you’re out there, waiting, just like I am.

I know that someday I will find you. In this lifetime, or the next, I will find you.

I will wait for you because you know what's the best part of waiting? Someone is waiting for me too. 

PS I hope someday i'll be able to show this to you because you are worth the wait :) 

Yours Forever,
Kathleen Factoriza

It's a new Beginning

Few months ago ive never thought that i'll experience something that will change my life. Yes truly it's a life changing decision and ive never thought that i can do it but if i only knew that the fairytale im dreaming will end, I could have prepared myself for that situation but i guess we really don't know what will happen in our life but even though it's one of the hardest battle i got into. I still thank our Creator because He let me experience what it is to love and i also thank you my 'first love' for everything.   If I've never experience what it feels like to be heartbroken, i will not learn how to cry, to let go and be as strong as i am right now. I never doubted any of God's plan for me that's why here i am making a comeback so that when the time comes that i will love again i already know how to keep it, this time longer and maybe...  Maybe Forever

Have you ever felt a little burnt out?

Lately, ive been so stress with school stuff especially with clinic.Theoretical + Clinic= Total STRESS!!!  1 month and im still adjusting?! This can’t be! I need to love everything that im doing now cause I know that if not the thing that im scared to happen, might happen and the last thing i know? I'm already burnt out!:(

Im close to giving up but in the back of my mind I know that I can still pursue this career. Hello, im just starting and i don't want to disappoint my parents so as long as im mentally and physically OK. i know i can still do this. I just need some guidance, Lord please give me more patience and help me get through this stage. :)

Note to myself: DE-STRESS!!! :)

 

Confession

I think i think too much and it leads me to become a sensitive person. I sometimes think that I am more conform  with my emotions and thoughts than other people.  Yes I think a lot. I think too much before I say or do anything. How about assuming things? Yes, I easily assume what others may think about, easily infer what others feel and think about me.  Just like the others I do everything to fit in and it's weird that I love to be noticed, but I hate being the center of attention.

I’m very sentimental and contemplative. Others may see it as cheesy and too serious, but my humor has its own place and mood. I hate the noise and rowdiness of the crowd talking about humorous but senseless things. I’d rather go away and sit alone, or talk about life and experiences. I’d rather have one or two people with me whom I can get to know personally than a bunch of people who know me in a superficial level. Sometimes I feel that this characteristic of mine became disadvantageous to me. I have a lot of acquaintances, but because of my own self-consciousness and sensitive personality, I have very few close friends. I sometimes have this fear that no one will be able to truly understand and accept me and my complexities, except for my family, and God.

I don’t know why I suddenly had the urge to write about this. Maybe this description of myself reflected my vanities and self-centeredness. I spent too much time doing and thinking about unnecessary things. I somehow had this change of mindset about the way I do things or live my life. The way I think about things, feel about things, see things… they will still be there. But I won’t let it hinder me from experiencing my life to the fullest.  I will start doing more meaningful activities with the time that I have. I won’t watch non sense tv shows or spend too much time online because everyone’s doing it. I won’t do some things just because everyone is doing it. I will start doing things that I know are meaningful and will be of help to myself and to others. I will stop being lazy and start doing useful and meaningful things, things that will have an eternal, lasting impact. After all, God only gave us one life to live, with a timeline that we are uncertain of. That is why we should use it wisely.

Live Life to the Fullest and Enjoy Life!:)